Family

HOLINESS IN THE FAMILY

admin FEATURED POSTS - Articles and Texts section, Writings of the Dominican Fathers


HOLINESS IN THE FAMILY

Shaping Hearts That Are Sensitive and Strong1

by Brother François-Marie, O.P.

Dear parents,

The feasts of the saints throughout the liturgical year remind us of the great work God has called you to do, making you co-workers to populate Paradise with saints. Human procreation and education have no other purpose than to fill the void left in heaven by the rebellious angels.

“Education”, recalls Father Charmot2, “consists in bringing up a being who has received supernatural life, i.e., training him to overcome natural appetites by the principles of grace.”

In his encyclical on Christian education, Pope Pius XI states:

Christian education embraces human life in all its forms: sensive, spiritual, intellectual and moral, individual, domestic and social, certainly not to diminish it in any way, but to elevate it, regulate it, perfect it according to the examples and doctrine of Christ.3

Let’s turn our attention, if you will, to one aspect of our being: the heart, insofar as it signifies intimate, emotional, and moral life, love. Depending on whether it is well or poorly formed, it is capable of the best or the worst.

We refer mainly to Abbé Bethléem, Catéchisme de l‘‘Education4.

For a heart to be well-formed, it must be sensitive and strong.

The Heart Must be Sensitive

What does it mean? Quite simply, a pure, delicate heart, open to noble sentiments, generous, capable of devotion and charity.

“To be open to these noble sentiments and virtues,” says Abbé Berto, “child has to be happy.”

An unhappy child closes his heart, and then you can always try to get in. Neither blows nor caresses will open it.

A child is not happy if we spoil him, if we give in to his whims, if we prove him right when he’s wrong. A child is happy when he is absolutely sure that he is loved, quite simply; but that he is loved for himself, for his infinite worth before God, without fail, without weakness, without caprice but with equality, constancy of action, patience, and untiring firmness.

It’s easy to see that such a heart will need a special environment, just as a plant needs to grow in a garden to develop all its best qualities. This special environment for a child’s heart is the family.

But not just any family! The Christian family, where vigilance, affection, and tenderness reign.

In such a family, the child’s heart can develop sheltered from contagion, indifference, and jealousy.

However, even in “good families” there are two important dangers to avoid:

  • pampering,sentimentality.


  • Pampering


The danger is perhaps greater today than in the past, because we live in a society of comfort, where we try to banish all suffering.

Bringing up a child “in his mother’s skirts” or “in absorbent cotton”, nurturing his taste for sweets, giving in easily to his whims, cuddling him too often, protecting him from the slightest suffering, runs the risk of turning him into an effeminate child who will later find it hard to correct himself and courageously face up to the trials of life.

We have a fine example of this in the life of Saint John Baptist de la Salle. His background, the high nobility of Reims, had given him highly refined nutritional habits. When he founded the Brothers of the Christian Schools, it took him years to be able to tolerate the simple, rustic, yet very healthy food of the Brothers.

Don’t hesitate to banish cozy beds, hot-water showers in the morning, and heating as soon as the temperature drops a little in autumn. Don’t make sweets (cakes, candies) an ordinary treat, but reserve them for important events (holidays, birthdays).


  • Sentimentality


Sentimentality is an exaggeration or deviation of sensitivity. This can be seen in children’s attitudes to animals. Naturally, they tend to become emotionally attached to pets. We need to give them a Christian education in this area, explaining the Creator’s intention: either to make animals useful helpers in our daily lives (house guards, mouse catchers, vehicles), or food (milk, eggs, meat). While we mustn’t mistreat them or make them suffer, we mustn’t treat them like human beings either.

We have an example of this misguided sentimentality in the existence of dog cemeteries, or in people who take in abandoned pets and turn their homes into veritable menageries that make family life impossible.

What can we do? For one don’t tolerate a child crying over the loss of a bird, dog, or cat.

Children need to be taught to fight back tears when a toy or object breaks.

The Heart Must be Strong.

Sensitivity is strengthened if trained from an early age to maintain freedom, fidelity and serenity.

Freedom of heart. This is self-control, the subordination of affections to the principles of reason and faith. Children must be taught to control their passions.

In Savoy, at the Château de Sales where the young Francis lived, there were vestibules, galleries, and staircases lit at night by flickering oil lamps, leaving large spaces in half-light or complete darkness.

Young François was extremely reluctant to venture out alone, fearing the spirits.

When he became a bishop, he told a nun how he was cured of this fear.

“When I was young, I was touched by this fantasy, and to get rid of it, I gradually forced myself to go alone, with my heart armed with trust in God, to those places where my imagination threatened me with fear; and finally I have become so firm, that the darkness and solitude of the night are a delight to me, because of this all-presence of God which one enjoys more fully in this solitude.”

Note the saint’s Christian reaction to overcome this fear.

Faithfulness of heart. The child must be helped to maintain with constancy the legitimate and orderly affections he has accepted.

Serenity of heart. In times of hardship (illness, bereavement), we must help the child to keep the peace by living in faith and charity.

The bereavement of loved ones, whether parents or friends, is an opportunity to put into practice what children have learned about the end of life: death is simply the separation of soul and body. We shouldn’t be afraid to show the dead, especially if they “died a good death”, that is, if they died in faith, hope, and charity, equipped with the sacraments of the Church. Such people often have a peaceful countenance. Don’t hesitate to have him touch the dead body, so that he realizes that it is cold because the soul, the principle of life, has left and no longer animates it.

Of course, it’s a good idea to have the child practice the communion of saints, praying for the deceased, who is probably in purgatory to be purified of the remains of sin. This is an opportunity to explain to children that they can, through their small sacrifices and prayers, help to shorten the suffering of those souls in purgatory who can no longer do anything for themselves.

Le Sel de la terre

No 124, Spring 2023

1Le Sel de la terre 120, p. 118-124; 121, p. 60; 123, p. 102.

2P. François CHARMOT S.J., Esquisse d’une pédagogie familiale, Etampes, Clovis, 368 p.

3Pius XI, Divini illius Magistri, On the Christian Education of Youth, December 31, 1929.

4Abbé René BETHLEEM, Catechisme de l’Education (1919), Ed. Saint-Rémi, 2009, 512pp.

Sanctity in the Family

admin Spirituality, Writings of the Dominican Fathers


Sanctity in the Family:

The Love of the Cross

by Brother François-Marie, O. P.

From Le Sel de la Terre 123 (Winter 2022/2023)

The cross is the mandatory passageway into glory. Children are no exception: they too have to live this journey: baptized, redeemed by the blood and death redeemed by the blood and death of Our Lord, they have to conform themselves to Jesus just as much as we do. So how can we awaken a love of the cross in their hearts? It has to start at an early age, following the stages of their development.

To do this, we have to start in childhood. So let’s ask ourselves: How can we awaken a love of the Cross in our children’s hearts?

Familiarizing Children with the Cross

There’s a progression to be observed. The first step is to use gestures, which the child will gradually understand as he grows up, when we explain them to him.

From the cradle onward, the little cross on his forehead, drawn with his finger, will be a constant reminder that he has been baptized and belongs to God. When he’s a little older, we’ll explain: “I entrust you to God because you are His child.”

For Catholics, the cross isn’t bare like it is for Protestants; it has Jesus on it, which is why it’s called “The Crucifix.”

At the end of evening prayer, when the little child is still unable to recite the prayers, we can have him kiss the crucifix and say: “Jesus, I love you with all my heart.” Then, as soon as he can, teach him to make the sign of the cross with great respect and love.

The Next Step is to Create Compassion in Their Heart

From the age of two, with a crucifix in hand, we can have him touch the crown of thorns, the place of the nails, and express for him the feelings this should arouse: “How Jesus must have hurt! Jesus hurt so much for you, so that you could go to heaven;” then have the child kiss Jesus’ sacred wounds.

Contrition

Around the age of three or four, you need to start making the connection between Jesus’ sufferings and himself: when he’s been naughty with his brothers and sisters, or when he’s had a tantrum or acted capriciously, you need to get him to say, taking the crucifix: “Forgive me, Jesus! When I’m mean, I’m like those who hurt you on the cross. You hurt so much for me. You died to help me be good, so that I could go to heaven.”

Around the age of four or five, we continue to awaken his responsibility for the sufferings of the Crucified One, leading him to the beginnings of an act of contrition.

For example, if the child has been particularly “naughty” in a particular act, we need to tell him that by doing so, he caused Jesus to suffer on the cross, even if he didn’t mean to, and that now that he knows it, he certainly doesn’t want to cause him any more suffering. He needs to be encouraged not to do it again, and to do this, we ask Jesus, who is present in his heart through his grace, to give him a lot of strength to be better and not do it again. We finish by having him kiss the crucifix to ask for forgiveness.

Meditation on the Passion

Around the age of 5 or 6, he still doesn’t know, so you need to tell him the story of the Passion. To do this, you need to use beautiful engravings, if possible, expressing the sacred, and read sober narratives that are always close to the sacred text, such as La Bible d’une Grand-Mère by La Comtesse de Ségur. The reading should be done in a soft, collected, interior tone, punctuated by a few silences to facilitate meditation.

There’s also the Stations of the Cross: age-appropriate commentaries can be used to encourage children to make amends for wicked people’s contempt for Jesus, and to join in St. Veronica’s gesture of gentleness, the Cyrenian’s assistance, and Our Lady’s sorrow, by showing their love for Jesus in their prayers, and offering their little misfortunes in union with Jesus’ sufferings.

This awakening of the children to the cross of Jesus prepares the soil of their hearts for the generous practice of sacrifice required by the Christian life. This is the way that the Angel of Portugal and Our Lady of Fatima taught the three children to make them saints.

Let’s ask Our Lady of Compassion for the graces needed to put this into practice in our children’s daily education.

HOLINESS IN THE FAMILY

admin Uncategorized, Writings of the Dominican Fathers


HOLINESS IN THE FAMILY

Effort and Last Ends

by Brother François-Marie O.P. (Avrillé, France)

The Effort

THE DEVELOPMENT of supernatural life follows the same pattern as that of natural life: the mother, in giving birth to her child, rejoices in the fact that she has brought a man into the world, but to achieve the goal of forming an adult man, she and her husband will need a whole succession of generous efforts, labors, trials, and sufferings. That’s what education is all about.

Today’s society in which we live doesn’t make this work any easier, not only because of all the evil in it, but also because of the technical developments designed to make life easy. Why make the effort when, apparently, everything can be done so easily, so painlessly?

At a time when education is putting computers everywhere, it’s worth pondering this quote from Georges Duhamel’s Défense des lettres:

The day when teachers, who are our precious allies in this defense of civilization, stop teaching children the religion of the book, our world will be ripe for a new barbarism.

For decades, the law of convenience has governed all educational reforms. In the 1970’s-1980’s, for example, we saw the emergence of a method for learning lessons in one’s sleep! All you had to do was listen to the recorded lesson a certain number of times in your sleep, and your memory would retain it effortlessly. The lazy schoolboy’s dream had come true!

Historians have observed that, in the history of peoples, if the comfort brought by progress is not accompanied by a high moral ideal, it does not bring the flourishing of civilization, but its agony. In your families, in Catholic schools, you and your children’s teachers strive to give children the highest moral ideal possible: holiness. But, whether we like it or not, we are immersed in today’s society, and children are contaminated: we generally see a certain lightness, carelessness, superficiality, immaturity, and difficulty in taking charge of their own lives.

The important question is: how can we give children a taste for effort in education and school instruction?

It’s a long subject to cover! Let’s just highlight a few important points from Comment former des hommes by Henri Pradel (the quotations are taken from this author).

  1. Teach children that effort is necessary for a successful life, both natural and supernatural, and that it is always possible and relatively easy.

All spiritual writers agree in teaching that obedience, by identifying our will with that of God, makes us all-powerful over ourselves and makes us participants in the divine power to overcome evil. This is what made Lacordaire say:

Our will, which seems so weak to us, is capable of amazing things when it relies on obedience to accomplish God’s will in our various duties of state.

I want to! It’s the rarest word in the world, though the most frequently usurped. But when a man has the terrible secret of it, be he poor today of everything, be sure that one day you’ll find him higher than anything.

This confirms the saying: “Nothing is impossible to a valiant heart.” Often, it’s only the first step that costs. That’s why we need to inspire children with a benevolent optimism in the face of difficulties, and not accustom them to moaning.

  1. The joy of effort.

We need to show them in concrete terms that every effort is rewarded with satisfaction, and that the struggle more than makes up for the effort.

Effort is capable of producing something beautiful: a neat assignment, a well-understood and well-learned lesson.

  1. Develop initiative.

It’s important to get children to work on their own.

At first, when the child is young, you have to want to do things for him, then, little by little, you have to obtain his cooperation by proceeding in stages:

  • Suggest a homework assignment.
  • Point out the difficulties.
  • Explain how to overcome difficulties and that victory will bring honor and joy.
  • Appeal to his valor, his taste for fighting.
  • Making sure it’s done right.
  • Encouraging success.
  • Show the shortcomings of the execution.
  1. Instilling a love of work well done.

As Goethe said, “Knowing and doing a single thing well leads to higher development than half-doing a hundred things.”

The love of a job well done is a powerful source of effort, which is why we must banish sloppy, incomplete, superficial, neglected work.

  1. Supernatural help

We have said that Catholic parents and educators strive to give the children God has entrusted to them the greatest moral ideal of all: holiness. Children are enthusiastic about this ideal, which is concretely embodied in the lives of the saints. They understand that if the saints succeeded in living well according to God and deserved to go to heaven, it’s because they believed in the truths revealed by God and summarized in the Creed, observed the commandments in an increasingly perfect manner, and succeeded in striving to overcome all obstacles. But what was the principle of their efforts? God’s grace, obtained through prayer and the sacraments.

Children, much more than adults, are aware of their weakness, and therefore of the need for prayer to ask divine omnipotence for the help they need to make the efforts required of them. They readily turn to the sacraments, especially confession and Holy Communion, to replenish their strength. For without God, nothing can be done in the supernatural order.

That’s why, our author concludes, education of effort will find in Christian faith and practice the indispensable help without which it will be doomed to failure.

The coming year is a good time for effort, so let’s encourage children to meditate on the example of Jesus and to turn to Him for the graces they need, so as to make and keep good, concrete resolutions in relation to their duty as students. We can help them do this by reading the lives of saints who have been model pupils, or by mottoes such as:

  • “Nothing is impossible to a valiant heart” (Jacques Cartier).
  • “Your life will be short, it must be full” (Jacques d’Arnoux).
  • “You can only reach the summits by long and hard paths.”

The Last Ends

November is the month dedicated to the dead. It’s an excellent educational opportunity to get children thinking about the seriousness of life, all oriented towards our final ends, and to get them exercising the Christian virtues.

  1. Reflections on the seriousness of life and the last ends.

Nature itself helps us to reflect: at this time of year: vegetation loses its beautiful summer finery and seems to die; the days grow shorter, fog and bad weather envelop everything in grayness. So everything inclines us to go inward, to remember, to reflect. So it’s the perfect time to push open the door to the cemetery and enter.

There are the modest cemeteries of our villages, squeezed around the church, but there are also the cemeteries of our cities. If you haven’t yet been to your local cemetery, take your children! It’s a little town within a town, but what a difference! No traffic, no noise, no fuss. In this haven for the dead, only the monuments speak to us of the lives of people who, not so long ago, were alive like us.

Gravestones themselves are highly instructive. They provide information on the foliage of families, the circumstances of death, the profession of the deceased, the affection of the family of the deceased, etc. Children should be made to read the inscriptions.

After these observation “exercises,” the findings and questions will come naturally. Yes, like them, we all die one day. Where are they now? In hell? In purgatory? In heaven? Can we help them with our prayers? This is an opportunity to remind ourselves of the truths we learned in catechism. Indeed, in such a context, these truths will penetrate children’s minds more deeply.

  1. Practicing the Christian virtues.

Let’s remind our children that charity is not only exercised towards those we come into contact with, but also towards the whole Mystical Body. Yes, we can help our deceased, and they are waiting for us to do so!

St. Augustine says: “To show to the deceased, by the faithful who are dear to them, a love that remembers and prays is certainly profitable to those who, during their corporeal life, have merited such things to be useful to them after this life.“

Let us take action by reciting a De profundis or a decade of the rosary for the relief of the souls of those remembered at the grave.

In the cemetery, let’s show them the “corner of remembrance,” saying nothing, waiting for the questions to come: why isn’t there a monument? What are those little squares?

This is an excellent opportunity to talk to them about the respect due to the body, the duty to bury the dead with dignity, and therefore the virtue of gratitude as well as the virtue of faith, as Saint Augustine teaches us:

We must not despise or abandon the bodies of the deceased, especially those of the righteous and faithful, whose spirit has made holy use of them, as organs and instruments for every kind of good work.

For if the garment, the father’s ring and other such objects are all the more dear to descendants the greater their filial love, we absolutely cannot disdain the bodies themselves, united to us more intimately and more closely than any garment. They are not ornaments or instruments that we add to ourselves from the outside, but the very nature of man. […]

Everything we devote to burying a body is a duty of humanity imposed by the love that forbids hating one’s own flesh.

This is why we must be as concerned as possible for the flesh of our loved one, when the one who bore it is gone. And if those who do not believe in the resurrection do so, how much more must those who do believe in it do so: so that this duty, rendered to the body which is dead, but called to rise again and dwell eternally, may be like a testimony to this faith.

These are some excellent arguments to make those who choose cremation think again.

Perhaps a child will ask you how the dead will rise, or with what body. Answer him with these words of Saint Paul, who takes the comparison of seeds:

What you sow is not the future body, but a simple seed, for example of wheat or some other plant. But God gives this seed a body as he wills, and each seed its own body. All flesh is not the same flesh, but the flesh of men is different, the flesh of cattle is different […], the flesh of heavenly bodies is different, the flesh of earthly bodies is different […]. The body sown in corruption will rise incorruptible; sown in ignominy, it will rise in glory; sown in infirmity, it will rise in power; sown an animal body, it will rise a spiritual body (1 Co 15, 37-44).

After all these reflections, it will be easy to show children that the goal of life is to achieve this blessed resurrection. So we can’t let ourselves go. Our future depends on the conduct of our present life, and this life is passing quickly; we are not sure of tomorrow! That’s why we need to pray constantly for the graces we need to put Jesus’ teachings into practice, so that we can live truly Christian lives.

***********************************