HOLINESS IN THE FAMILY
Shaping Hearts That Are Sensitive and Strong1
by Brother François-Marie, O.P.
Dear parents,
The feasts of the saints throughout the liturgical year remind us of the great work God has called you to do, making you co-workers to populate Paradise with saints. Human procreation and education have no other purpose than to fill the void left in heaven by the rebellious angels.
“Education”, recalls Father Charmot2, “consists in bringing up a being who has received supernatural life, i.e., training him to overcome natural appetites by the principles of grace.”
In his encyclical on Christian education, Pope Pius XI states:
Christian education embraces human life in all its forms: sensive, spiritual, intellectual and moral, individual, domestic and social, certainly not to diminish it in any way, but to elevate it, regulate it, perfect it according to the examples and doctrine of Christ.3
Let’s turn our attention, if you will, to one aspect of our being: the heart, insofar as it signifies intimate, emotional, and moral life, love. Depending on whether it is well or poorly formed, it is capable of the best or the worst.
We refer mainly to Abbé Bethléem, Catéchisme de l‘‘Education4.
For a heart to be well-formed, it must be sensitive and strong.
The Heart Must be Sensitive
What does it mean? Quite simply, a pure, delicate heart, open to noble sentiments, generous, capable of devotion and charity.
“To be open to these noble sentiments and virtues,” says Abbé Berto, “child has to be happy.”
An unhappy child closes his heart, and then you can always try to get in. Neither blows nor caresses will open it.
A child is not happy if we spoil him, if we give in to his whims, if we prove him right when he’s wrong. A child is happy when he is absolutely sure that he is loved, quite simply; but that he is loved for himself, for his infinite worth before God, without fail, without weakness, without caprice but with equality, constancy of action, patience, and untiring firmness.
It’s easy to see that such a heart will need a special environment, just as a plant needs to grow in a garden to develop all its best qualities. This special environment for a child’s heart is the family.
But not just any family! The Christian family, where vigilance, affection, and tenderness reign.
In such a family, the child’s heart can develop sheltered from contagion, indifference, and jealousy.
However, even in “good families” there are two important dangers to avoid:
pampering,sentimentality.
Pampering
The danger is perhaps greater today than in the past, because we live in a society of comfort, where we try to banish all suffering.
Bringing up a child “in his mother’s skirts” or “in absorbent cotton”, nurturing his taste for sweets, giving in easily to his whims, cuddling him too often, protecting him from the slightest suffering, runs the risk of turning him into an effeminate child who will later find it hard to correct himself and courageously face up to the trials of life.
We have a fine example of this in the life of Saint John Baptist de la Salle. His background, the high nobility of Reims, had given him highly refined nutritional habits. When he founded the Brothers of the Christian Schools, it took him years to be able to tolerate the simple, rustic, yet very healthy food of the Brothers.
Don’t hesitate to banish cozy beds, hot-water showers in the morning, and heating as soon as the temperature drops a little in autumn. Don’t make sweets (cakes, candies) an ordinary treat, but reserve them for important events (holidays, birthdays).
Sentimentality
Sentimentality is an exaggeration or deviation of sensitivity. This can be seen in children’s attitudes to animals. Naturally, they tend to become emotionally attached to pets. We need to give them a Christian education in this area, explaining the Creator’s intention: either to make animals useful helpers in our daily lives (house guards, mouse catchers, vehicles), or food (milk, eggs, meat). While we mustn’t mistreat them or make them suffer, we mustn’t treat them like human beings either.
We have an example of this misguided sentimentality in the existence of dog cemeteries, or in people who take in abandoned pets and turn their homes into veritable menageries that make family life impossible.
What can we do? For one don’t tolerate a child crying over the loss of a bird, dog, or cat.
Children need to be taught to fight back tears when a toy or object breaks.
The Heart Must be Strong.
Sensitivity is strengthened if trained from an early age to maintain freedom, fidelity and serenity.
Freedom of heart. This is self-control, the subordination of affections to the principles of reason and faith. Children must be taught to control their passions.
In Savoy, at the Château de Sales where the young Francis lived, there were vestibules, galleries, and staircases lit at night by flickering oil lamps, leaving large spaces in half-light or complete darkness.
Young François was extremely reluctant to venture out alone, fearing the spirits.
When he became a bishop, he told a nun how he was cured of this fear.
“When I was young, I was touched by this fantasy, and to get rid of it, I gradually forced myself to go alone, with my heart armed with trust in God, to those places where my imagination threatened me with fear; and finally I have become so firm, that the darkness and solitude of the night are a delight to me, because of this all-presence of God which one enjoys more fully in this solitude.”
Note the saint’s Christian reaction to overcome this fear.
Faithfulness of heart. The child must be helped to maintain with constancy the legitimate and orderly affections he has accepted.
Serenity of heart. In times of hardship (illness, bereavement), we must help the child to keep the peace by living in faith and charity.
The bereavement of loved ones, whether parents or friends, is an opportunity to put into practice what children have learned about the end of life: death is simply the separation of soul and body. We shouldn’t be afraid to show the dead, especially if they “died a good death”, that is, if they died in faith, hope, and charity, equipped with the sacraments of the Church. Such people often have a peaceful countenance. Don’t hesitate to have him touch the dead body, so that he realizes that it is cold because the soul, the principle of life, has left and no longer animates it.
Of course, it’s a good idea to have the child practice the communion of saints, praying for the deceased, who is probably in purgatory to be purified of the remains of sin. This is an opportunity to explain to children that they can, through their small sacrifices and prayers, help to shorten the suffering of those souls in purgatory who can no longer do anything for themselves.
Le Sel de la terre
No 124, Spring 2023
1Le Sel de la terre 120, p. 118-124; 121, p. 60; 123, p. 102.
2P. François CHARMOT S.J., Esquisse d’une pédagogie familiale, Etampes, Clovis, 368 p.
3Pius XI, Divini illius Magistri, On the Christian Education of Youth, December 31, 1929.
4Abbé René BETHLEEM, Catechisme de l’Education (1919), Ed. Saint-Rémi, 2009, 512pp.